My Story about the Miracle of Adoption
I believe that every parent makes decisions regarding their children, some of those decisions are right and some are wrong. But the only content in those decisions is that they were made in the best interest of the child. Adoption is a wonderful opportunity for the child and for adoptive parents, its gives options to those who had none and it gives life to those who could not otherwise create life. Adoption is a long process and unfortunately for adoptive parents an especially long process. But once the adoptive parents take the child home that’s when the real Miracle starts. For me, the decision to give my child up for adoption wasn’t a particularly hard decision because I knew first hand the benefits of adoption. I was adopted when I was just two days old, I don’t know much about my birth mom and that’s OK because I know that my parents I have now are my parents.
The grief that someone in my/our position goes through is very difficult to describe in words,and of course I still think about my child everyday. The grief is something only a parent could understand. But I will tell you this, it is the hardest and easiest decision I have ever made. I knew that where I was in my life I was not able to take care of a child. I wanted to be able to provide everything my child needed and wanted, and I knew I could not do that. I ultimately was left with the question. “What is my plan if I am unable to provide clothes and food for my child?” And with that, I knew the adoption was the best and only option for my child.
As a birth father I felt it was important for me to support the birth mother through the process. Birth fathers have a much different role in this process then the birth mothers. Us as fathers have not had to opportunity to establish a relationship with the child like the mother has. While we still feel emotion attachment to the child we have not been the one taking care of of the child for the past nine months. So I felt that it was my responsibility to support the birth mother and allow her to make the decision, like adoptive parents, hospital, doctors, case worker and agency. I wanted to make sure that the birth mother felt comfortable about everything because the truth of the matter is, the birth mother is the one who does all the hard work. So when the birth mother told me that she had chosen parents and that she had wanted me to go with to meet them, I was excited and nervous all at the same time. I was excited because in a way we get to meet what are child is going to be when she gets older. Whether children like it or not they are images of their parents, so one way or the other our child was going to be like these people. The Drive to meet the parents was a very long and nerve racking trip. We knew that whatever the adoptive parents thought of us, was what our child was going to think of us as when she grew up. I wanted my child to understand that I wasn’t making this decision for me, I was making it for her, and that we chose the parents because we trusted them and we knew that they would raise our child the way we/I could not. When we finally met the adoptive parents, they were everything that we could pray for in adoptive parents. They were the nicest couple with the most beautiful daughter. They were kind, loving, caring, polite, respectable and easy to talk to, every minute we spent with them just reassured me that these were the people that I wanted to raise my child. The thing that I was most impressed about with the adoptive parents was their willingness to open up, they wanted us to everything about them, and they wanted to know everything about us. They treated the meeting as a once in a lifetime opportunity to get to know us and everything about us. Which really made me feel great about them and eased my mind.
On the day my child was born it was a very hard time for me. I did not know how to act, I didn’t know what to say and I didn’t know what think or how to feel. Everything that we had been planning for the past nine months had all come down to this. The birth mother and I knew this was the only time we would ever get to spend with our child. I wanted to spend as much time with her and her mother as I could. And now looking back on it, it was not enough time. I wish that I would’ve had just one more minute, just one more time to see her face….. (remember how I was talking about the grief that never goes away, here it is) The truth is that everyday I’m filled with regret and wishful thinking. Everyday I wish that things could be different, I regret not holding my child one last time, I wish I would’ve have had just one more hour with her, I regret not seeing her grow up. This is the hardest part of my decision, living with it. Adoption is hard thing for someone to go through and it changes many things about a person and they way they will live they’re life after that. But what made it an easy decision, is when I see the pictures that I receive from the adoptive parents. Her smiling laughing spending time with her sister and friends and reading the letters about how she has grown up. That’s what makes this a Miracle.
Only God can make this work. Only God can make something so hard so easy. Only God could have gotten me through this. But I’m not the Miracle, my child is. The Miracle is that my child will have everything that I wanted to provide her, every opportunity that I wanted to give her. Without adoption my child would not be provided for and thank I God everyday for the opportunity of adoption.